7/17/2024 Lana by Tara GiancasproI am not a Lana Girlie. I have never fucked a cop. I have never seen her live and don’t feel a need to. She knows why. I have never sampled coke or gotten one of those surgical douches that makes your vagina taste like Cherry Coke Zero. I have been to Venices Italy and Beach but would not classify myself to be as intimate with these locales as to call myself their bitch. I am not a featured performer on the Great Gatsby soundtrack. I could go on. But. I saw this tweet and thought I’d tell you all why I put on rings engraved with a Lana lyric every time I leave the house. In 2018, I left a seven-month relationship that decimated me. Seven months doesn’t seem like much. We didn’t hit every holiday. We weren’t together for either of our birthdays. But there was time entwined before and after, and I took tearstreaked leave four times before it stuck, and I was threatened, and made less of, was told I was irresistible for a mind and a spark and a brightness that was maligned and made gauzy and dim. And nearly snuffed out entirely. It all felt wrong. It felt wrong. It was wrong. It was so very wrong. It was not love, what I was living. It was not love, what I was being given: a fire scorching my palms, not passion. My throat being slit, a garroting, not an embrace from behind, not a spooning sway. It was not love, what I had to give back: CVS receipts with the prices for “but” and “you said” and “on this date” and “that’s not true” and “it’s okay,” which I eventually started shopping for at Costco, where you could save fifty cents on every mollification if you bought six cases. It was not who I was, who I had to become to love him, to protect him, and to best him in a chess match with my sanity nestled at the bottom of a gold trophy cup. I won. Of course I won. Lana helped. I want to include some of the lyrics below because I believe you all can quite easily understand how such an anthem, a “modern manifesto” as Lana calls it, would be a clarion call to safety for someone in and then leaving a toxic relationship with a middle-aged man (of course) whose patterns, proclivities, nigh-kinks involved invalidating my reality. This is my commitment, my modern manifesto I'm doing it for all of us who never got the chance For, and for And all my birds of paradise Who never got to fly at night 'Cause they were caught up in the dance Sometimes it feels like I've got a war in my mind I wanna get off, but I keep riding the ride I never really noticed that I had to decide To play someone's game, or live my own life And now I do I wanna move Out of the black (out of the black) Into the blue (into the blue) Finally Gone is the burden of the Crowley way of being That comes from energies combined Like my part was I Was not discerning And you, as we found out Were not in your right mind There's no more chasing rainbows and hoping for an end to them Their arches are illusions, solid at first glance But then you try to touch them There's nothing to hold on to The colors used to lure you in And put you in a trance When I left this person, the single oil slick-colored thread tying my soul to my insides decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to get a tattoo to commemorate the Houdini heist of my own body and essence. Thank goodness. The cognitive dissonance was still so heady for the months after I left, and I felt that not only would I never move on - spiritually, to a better life, a happy relationship, a happiness within myself - but also that I would never be able to let him go from my heart despite the damage he did. No Lifetime movie ever takes the time to describe how it is, likely more than money or “confidence", cognitive dissonance that keeps you in an abusive situation. Looking back, a tattoo would have kept this man’s memory and his touch on my skin, something I couldn’t take off every night. There are some days that go by where I do not remember him at all. Some. Not many. But some. I’m proud of that choice, to allow myself the grace of forgetting. Instead, I called upon a mantra from Lana that made my heart soar each time I listened: “Out of the black! Into the blue!” I had these lines inscribed on rings by one of my favorite jewelers in the cursive I never shook and that my childhood best friend Chelsea says hasn’t changed since the third grade. This, too, felt important and I am so glad I honored myself by putting my heart and my intentions in my own hand, and they are wrapped around my right ring finger every morning before vaulting off into the world. I rarely feel their weight anymore, in symbolistic ounces or grams, but my hand feels less like mine without them. I feel less mine without them. I find frequent irony in this lyric’s resonance within my soul and its accompaniment to my every outfit. I wear black, all the time. My eyeliner is black, my Lambo’s blue. I wear black more than any other color. If I own an orange or red or blue shirt, I also own it in black. My email receipts for bra orders contain colors like “onyx,” “eightball,” “like my soul." But I knew what Lana meant. Thanks, girl.
7/8/2024 12 SONGS BY Anthony Robinson12 SONGS BY Anthony Robinson
1. Listening to a lot lately:
"Get Me Away from Here, I'm Dying" - Belle & Sebastian 2. Artist I've seen live: "Paris 1919" - John Cale 3. Zodiac sign: "Working Class Hero" - John Lennon 4. Breaks my Heart: "Superstar" - The Carpenters 5. Makes me dance: "Paper Planes" - M.I.A. 6. 18 year old me: "Feel No Way" - Peter Tosh 7. Comfort: "Cloudbusting" - Kate Bush 8. Wrestling theme: "House of Suffering" - Bad Brains 9. Music crush: "Be My Wife" - David Bowie 10. Reminds me of my dad: "No Time to Cry" - Bonnie Prince Billy / Iris DeMent 11. Feels like summer: "LDN" - Lily Allen 12. Jukebox one-shot: "Watch Your Step" - Elvis Costello SPOTIFY:7/1/2024 12 songs by Meca’Ayo12 songs by Meca’Ayo
1. A song you’ve been listening to (a lot) lately:
“Make Friends” - Hiatus Kaiyote 2. A song by an artist you’ve seen live “Viborita” - Lila Downs 3. A song by an artist who shares your zodiac sign “Warm Leatherette” - Grace Jones 4. A song that breaks your heart “How Beautiful You Are” - The Cure 5. A song that makes you want to dance. “The Humpty Dance” - Digital Underground 6. A song from 18-year-old you “Pretty Good Year” - Tori Amos 7. A song you listen to for comfort “Try” - Madison McFerrin 8. A song that would be your wrestling theme “Steppin’ Razor” - Peter Tosh 9. A song by your music crush “F**k Shit Stack” - Reggie Watts 10. A song that reminds you of a parent [or caregiver, sibling, friend] “Say It Loud - I'm Black and I'm Proud” - James Brown 11. A song that feels like summer “Saba” - Mephiskaphales 12. A song you will play on the jukebox when you die if you’re allowed on. “The Spirit’s in It” - Patti LaBelle spotify:
6/20/2024 12 songs by Kenning JP Garcia12 songs by Kenning JP Garcia
1. A song you've been listening to (alot) lately
Elegant Machinery - A Soft Exchange 2. A song by an artist you've seen live The Damned - I Just Can't be Happy Today 3. A song by an artist who shares your zodiac sign Roky Erickson - I Have Always Been Here Before 4. A song that breaks your heart Culture Club - Do You Really Want to Hurt Me 5. A song that makes you want to dance Bauhaus - Third Uncle 6. A song from 18 year old you R.E.M. - Tongue 7. A song you listen to for comfort Two Cow Garage - No Shame 8. A song that would be your wrestling theme DMX ft Machine Gun Kelly - I Don't Dance 9. A song by your music crush Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan - You Won't Let Me Down Again 10. A song that reminds you of a friend Big Black - Kerosene 11. A song that feels like summer Sunscreem - Love U More 12. A song you will play on the jukebox when you die if you're only allowed one Hank Williams III - Ghost to a Ghost Spotify:6/12/2024 Cat is Out Watch Out by Carter Boucher
6/11/2024 12 songs by Shannon Hozinec12 songs by Shannon Hozinec
1. A song you've been listening to (alot) lately
Florence + The Machine - Heavy In Your Arms 2. A song by an artist you've seen live Bauhaus - She's in Parties 3. A song by an artist who shares your zodiac sign Wolfgang Mozart, Magdalena Hajossyova - Requim in D Minor, K. 626: Sequence: VI Lacrimosa dies illa 4. A song that breaks your heart Gabriel Fauré, Laurence Equilbey - Requiem, Op. 48: V. Pie Jesu 5. A song that makes you want to dance Boney M. - Rasputin 6. A song from 18 year old you Korn - Falling Away from Me 7. A song you listen to for comfort Murder By Death - Good Morning, Magpie 8. A song that would be your wrestling theme DeathbyRomy, Away - I Kill Everything 9. A song by your music crush Deftones - Passenger 10. A song that reminds you of a parent Garbage - Only Happy When It Rains 11. A song that feels like summer Crazy Town - Butterfly 12. A song you will play on the jukebox when you die if you're only allowed one Al Bowlly - Midnight, The Stars and You 13. Another song you will play on the jukebox when you die if you're ONLY ALLOWED ONE because you're an AQUARIUS and we will reluctantly allow it THIS ONE TIME Joe Diffie - Prop Me Up Beside The Jukebox (if I Die) spotify:6/7/2024 12 songs by Robin Joan Steckel12 songs by Robin Joan Steckel
1. A song you've been listening to (alot) lately
The Decemberists - June Hymn - Live 2. A song by an artist you've seen live Los Campesinos! - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future 3. A song by an artist who shares your zodiac sign The Cure - The Hanging Garden 4. A song that breaks your heart New Order - Ceremony 5. A song that makes you want to dance World / Inferno Friendship Society - Heart Attack '64 6. A song from 18 year old you Judas Priest - Hell Bent for Leather 7. A song you listen to for comfort Joy Division - Disorder 8. A song that would be your wrestling theme My Chemical Romance - DESTROYA 9. A song by your music crush Florence + The Machine - Seven Devils 10. A song that reminds you of a parent Pianos Become The Teeth - Repine 11. A song that feels like summer Camera Obscura - French Navy 12. A song you will play on the jukebox when you die if you're only allowed one David Bowie - Station to Station Spotify:
6/5/2024 12 songs by Joey Gould12 songs by Joey Gould
1. A song you've been listening to (alot) lately
Prism Bitch - Heathers 2. A song by an artist you've seen live Mates of State - Hoarding It For Home 3. A song by an artist who shares your zodiac sign Allie X - Science 4. A song that breaks your heart Purity Ring - peacefall 5. A song that makes you want to dance Phantogram - Calling All 6. A song from 18 year old you Deftones - Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away) 7. A song you listen to for comfort Best Coast - Feeling Ok 8. A song that would be your wrestling theme M.I.A. - Paper Planes 9. A song by your music crush PJ Harvey - Kamikaze 10. A song that reminds you of a parent Paul Simon - Graceland 11. A song that feels like summer Hum - Green To Me 12. A song you will play on the jukebox when you die if you're only allowed one Lady Lamb - The Nothing Part II Spotify:
5/30/2024 12 SONGS BY SAID SHAIYE
Make your own. Send to [email protected]
Include pic and bio (can be informal). 12 songs by Said Shaiye
1. A song you've been listening to (alot) lately
Pooh Shiesty feat. Moneybagg Yo & Tay Keith - MAIN SLIME REMIX 2. A song by an artist you've seen live Devin The Dude feat. Randy Ran - Alright 3. A song by an artist who shares your zodiac sign Kanye West - I Wonder 4. A song that breaks your heart MellowHype feat. Earl Sweatshirt - P2 5. A song that makes you want to dance Future - Turn On The Lights 6. A song from 18 year old you TI - Why You Wanna 7. A song you listen to for comfort Blink-182 - 21 Days 8. A song that would be your wrestling theme Nacho Picasso - Rammin 9. A song by your music crush Dua Lipa - Love Is Religion (The Blessed Madonna Remix) 10. A song that reminds you of a parent AaminaCamaari - Rag Waa Nacab Iyo Nasteexo (Men Are Cruel & Kind) 11. A song that feels like summer Kodak Black - No Flockin’ 12. A song you will play on the jukebox when you die if you're only allowed one Future - Solo (OG Ron C / Candlestick / Slim K Chopnotslop Remix)* *available in youtube playlist, regular version on spotify playlist Youtube:Spotify:
5/28/2024 12 songs by Tristen Bryant12 songs by tristen bryant
1. A song you’ve been listening to a lot lately
Fontaines D.C. - Starburster 2. A song by an artist you’ve seen live Mitski - Bug Like an Angel 3. A song by an artist who shares your zodiac sign John Mayer - Stop This Train 4. A song that breaks your heart Radiohead - How to Disappear Completely 5. A song that makes you want to dance Jamiroquai - When You Gonna Learn? 6. A song from 18 year old you Jonathan Bree - You're so Cool 7. A song you listen to for comfort Ben Howard - Old Pine 8. A song that would be your wrestling theme Jid feat. EARTHGANG - Can't Punk Me 9. A song by your music crush Phoebe Bridgers - Funeral 10. A song that reminds you of a parent R.E.M. - Losing My Religion 11. A song that feels like summer Red Hot Chili Peppers - Road Trippin' 12. A song you will play on the jukebox when you die if you’re only allowed one death's dynamic shroud - INFINITE CIGARETTE spotify
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