Rebecca Loudon

From the poem The butcher

I live under the world’s true skin sweet poison laps the sweat on my wrist let me sing for wine at nine whiskey at ten mother speed at eleven cocaine at twelve sugar listen to the alcohol in my blood my eyes are rotting peaches I drowned each day in the Spokane River I drowned on Glass Street I drowned at Saint Anthony’s I did violence to myself in Spokane a coffin factory slap me awake I’m dying in ripe alleys in shuttered houses in bright factories I’m dying in gymnasiums I’m dying in concert halls stop me sugar stop me hey sugar just a glass of wine oh please just a line just the crunch of oxy between my teeth slap me sugar I’m dying in hotel rooms in banks in malls in grocery stores in schools in restaurants in cars in parks in hospitals slap me give me one more line sugar one more drink I’ve never been so thin so beautiful my bones shoot away from my hips my bones break inside my hands my bones slice my shoulders open I’m dying oh sugar I’m drowning in meetings twelvestepping through America slap me sugar I have done violence unto myself I ate the grape the priest the host oh sugar I have done violence unto myself slap me awake I’m dying under your strap your heel I have done violence unto myself this little war of mine I’m gonna let it shine

let it shine
let it shine
let it shine

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Rebecca Loudon is the author of three collections of poetry Tarantella, Radish King, and Cadaver Dogs, and two chapbooks, Navigate, Amelia Earhart’s Letters Home, and TRISM. Rebecca lives on an island in the pacific northwest. Her current writing can be found at rebeccaloudon.substack.com​