11/22/2023 Mandy Nadyne ClarkCanned Goods Do you recall the time I borrowed a can of beets to smash a fly in my living room? Of course you don’t, because I told you it was to impress my mother if she looked through my cupboards at Thanksgiving. You first offered me low-sodium green beans, but I filled you in on her previous rant on how low-sodium products were just a rouse to put the Morton Salt company out of business. My mother canned her own green beans. The reason I’m telling you all this is because the flies are back. It’s only April and they’ve come alive from somewhere in the house, a nest or through a corner in the sunroom, and they seem asleep. They’re so slow and fat all I need is day-old bread to crush them—the heel no less! I stared out the front window to your old driveway and the neighbors have a new Volkswagen. A bug to be exact. And then I laughed about how you’d probably come up with some clever way to work insects into the conversation or mention how the Jeff Goldblum version of The Fly is way better than the original. I’d have to agree. But then it dawned on me that you couldn’t make any comment like this because I wasn’t honest about killing the fly with your beets. Grab your can opener and call me next Tuesday.
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